A New Year A New You... Or Not

We all know the beginning of a new year brings new hopes, inspirations, motivations, and a feeling of renewal. I always feel so refreshed come January 1st; with new beginnings we can’t help but reflect on the past 12 months. Being a therapist, I wholeheartedly believe useful learning can come from looking into the mistakes we made or things we wish we did better. We start down this road with the hope of doing better in the next 12 months but unfortunately more often than not we end up criticizing ourselves for plans that went unfinished, goals unmet, and list never checked off?  Harm doesn’t come from gaining this understanding, the harm comes with how we abuse ourselves with it. Okay so we dropped a few balls over the year, we need to let it go and move on. Self-criticisms blocks our ability to improve and grow, we don't need a new us, but instead a new belief in ourselves. January is the perfect time to pick ourselves up and set new goals, new lists, and new plans based on this new belief. but first take the time to look through the positive of the 2013.  

One of my favorite ways to do this is reflecting on the fun experiences of 2013. Throughout the year my husband and I write down memorable experiences on a little piece of paper and then throw them in a jar to be opened and laughed over on New Year’s, We have no idea what the other wrote down. It’s a great way to relive the positives while also learning the types of things the other finds memorable. Different experiences mean different things to each of us, this helps me remember that what I think is meaningful he may not and vise versa.

In what ways can you reflect on the positives of 2013. For some of us it may be hard to sift through the struggles we faced but I do believe God always provides a glimmer of light even in the darkest of times. Find that light and hang on to it as you begin a new chapter in 2014.

"Beginnings are usually scary, endings usually sad, but it's the middle that counts"

Until Next Time~Be Well in 2014

The Mayonnaise Jar

Feeling overwhelmed? Rushed? Stressed? When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, 

When 24 hours in a day is not enough; this parable may be just what you need

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and start to fill it with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded. With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table

and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions; Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- The small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first. The things that really matter.  Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Until Next Time ~Be Well

Have you gotten lost in the Holiday frenzy? Are you drowning in to-dos? So much to do and so little time… Christmas shopping, Advent Calendar activities, volunteering, cookie exchanges, decorating, holiday festivals, dinner parties, cocktail parties, secret santas, gift exchanges, Christmas letters, and multiple family get together (plus extended and blended families). I think all of us fall victim to losing sight of the true meaning of Christmas. I’ve even heard some say the increased expectations lead them to hate this time of year. 

The good news is YOU are the only one who cares if the cookies don’t get baked, Advent activities go uncompleted, or you forgo the Christmas letters. Most of the pressure we feel is self-induced, we are great at guilting ourselves into doing everything only to then wind up frustrated and resentful at the very tasks we thought we wanted to do. Remember it’s not what We Have To Do ~ It’s What We Get To Do… this is different for each of us. Christmas Day is not D-Day; it’s hard not to get mixed in the whirlwind as we race around preparing for what needs done. 

So what can we do? Spend time searching your heart for what Christmas means to you and your family. What does your ideal family Christmas season look like? Identify those few traditions that mean the most to you and keep in the true spirit of Christmas; say No to the rest.  I promise you will find yourself refreshed, at peace, and able to enjoy the moments of the season instead of racing through the day’s to-do dreading each passing day as Christmas draws near. 

The Christmas season is one to experience, not merely survive!

                                                                                                      Until Next Time ~ Be Well

Throwback Thursdays

Throwback Thursday Honors

BLOCKBUSTER

In honor of Throwback Thursdays I’m remembering Blockbuster Movie Nights! We all remember the “Make it a Blockbuster Night” campaign but unfortunately we are seeing the end; Blockbuster announced it would be closing its remaining 300 stores in January 2014. We've known it's been coming since they announced bankruptcy in 2010, but my nostalgic side still feels a twinge of sadness, as movie nights will be forever changed. 

Blockbuster opened it’s first store in Dallas 1985 growing into a recognizable brand throughout the 90’s and early 2000’s. With the help of catchy marketing and the unmistakeable blue and yellow video sign, Blockbuster saw its peak in 2004 with 9000 stores and 60,000 employees (me being one of them during college). Like so many others, my Blockbuster nights began in the 90’s.  My family often spent a Friday or Saturday 

night pursuing the New Release Wall while stocking up on soda and popcorn for our family movie night. Loving the memories of those nights, my husband and I began many of our date nights in the aisles of Blockbuster in our small college town. We joke that kids born today will have no idea what a video store is and will never experience that surge of anticipation as they race to the new release wall hoping the new hit is still in stock. While we all enjoy the simplicity that comes with technology creating instantaneous gratification, I will forever miss those Blockbuster Nights. 

Until Next Time ~ Be Well

Attitude of Gratitude

Thanksgiving is only 1 day away!

What comes to mind when you think of Thanksgiving Day?  Do you think of the juicy turkey, the mashed potatoes, or maybe the dessert? Do you think of your family gathered together reminiscing over funny family stories? Maybe you think of the family members not around your table this year. Do you think of traveling, delays, or cancellations? Or instead, maybe you start to panic thinking how tomorrow kicks off the holiday season. Do you think of the Black Friday deals, your growing to do list, decorating, or cookie exchanges? I’m sure the more you think the bigger your list grows, but what about Thanksgiving Day; where do your thoughts lie? I’ve always been saddened by how Thanksgiving gets lost in the Christmas frenzy; I continue to be disappointed at the growing number of stores that open their doors on Thanksgiving Day. I have always loved Black Friday shopping, but on Friday, not Thursday and I can promise you that I will never shop on Thanksgiving. 

When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of my family traditions. Sadly many of them had to change as we got older and settled our own families across the country.  Nevertheless, to me, Thanksgiving has always been about quality family time. A few years ago my best friend told me that the youngest child often holds family traditions closest to their heart; she couldn’t be more right for me. I have three favorite days of the year (all of which are stemmed in a family tradition) and Thanksgiving is absolutely one of these. Growing up, our day wasn’t unlike millions of other homes, we slept in, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and celebrated with a large family dinner that only ended when all the wine had been drunk and family stories had been relived.  I was always amazed at the meal my mom perfected year after year (except the year Bessie, my Bassett Hound, managed to hoist her 85 pounds up on the counter to devour the dinner rolls and turkey).  So maybe there is no such thing as a commercial Thanksgiving but I always thought ours came pretty close. There was something about the day that brought us together, there was no stress, no activities we had to run to, and no arguments over what football game to watch (everyone even managed to help with the dishes). Looking back I think it came down to our attitude of gratitude. I loved nothing more than gathering before dinner to share what we were grateful for (this is still one of my favorite moments). Gratitude doesn’t have to be profound, if fact it was often light hearted and funny around our table, gratitude just has to be real! We were grateful to have one unhurried day to spend together enjoying ourselves. I read this quote a while ago

This has managed to stay with me and I often think of this just when I need to remind myself of all I have to be grateful for. I'm sure this is something we all can improve on but no matter what difficulties are on our plate we are all blessed and should in turn be humbled and grateful. 

We're inundated with messages telling us to want bigger, better, and newer.  We end up believing what we have and where we are in life isn't enough. Start the holiday season ignoring these messages and adopt an attitude of gratitude! Think about this question for a minute,  How many times a week do you say "I have to... " I have to go to the store, I have to make dinner, I have ___ Insert anything___ . A simple grammatical change can have a profound effect.  Why not change “I have to” to “I get to”? I get to go to the store, I am able to have enough money that I can buy what I need and prepare dinner for my family. Think of all the things you "have to" do and then think what it would be like if you weren't able to this for some reason. Have an attitude of gratitude and feel blessed even through the things you wish you could alter.  A simple change in the phrase "I have to" to "I get to" completely transforms the meaning. Practice the ‘I Get To’s” and instead of wanting more, demonstrate your gratitude through your positive words and actions!

What are you grateful for this year? 

What do you "Get To" do? 

Happy Thanksgiving

Until Next Time ~ Be Well

The Mexican Fisherman

I love parables! I can’t resist good stories with a thought provoking take home message, especially one that resonates with me. The Mexican Fisherman and the Businessman is one of these such stories. I first heard this story during graduate school  but have come upon it a number of times since, most recently this morning when reviewing questions for an upcoming book club I participate in. I’m always struck by the impact it has on me. Even though I know the ending, I am nevertheless amazed at the perspective this story helps me gain.

Mexican Fisherman Meets Harvard MBA

A vacationing American businessman standing on the pier of a quaint coastal fishing village in southern Mexico watched as a small boat with just one young Mexican fisherman pulled into the dock. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. Enjoying the warmth of the early afternoon sun, the American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

"How long did it take you to catch them?" the American casually asked.

"Oh, a few hours," the Mexican fisherman replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American businessman then asked.

The Mexican warmly replied, "With this I have more than enough to meet my family's needs."

The businessman then became serious, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

Responding with a smile, the Mexican fisherman answered, "I sleep late, play with my children, watch ball games, and take siesta with my wife. Sometimes in the evenings I take a stroll into the village to see my friends, play the guitar, sing a few songs..."

The American businessman impatiently interrupted, "Look, I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can help you to be more profitable. You can start by fishing several hours longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra money, you can buy a bigger boat. With the additional income that larger boat will bring, before long you can buy a second boat, then a third one, and so on, until you have an entire fleet of fishing boats."

Proud of his own sharp thinking, he excitedly elaborated a grand scheme which could bring even bigger profits, "Then, instead of selling your catch to a middleman you'll be able to sell your fish directly to the processor, or even open your own cannery. Eventually, you could control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this tiny coastal village and move to Mexico City, or possibly even Los Angeles or New York City, where you could even further expand your enterprise."

Having never thought of such things, the Mexican fisherman asked, "But how long will all this take?"

After a rapid mental calculation, the Harvard MBA pronounced, "Probably about 15-20 years, maybe less if you work really hard."

"And then what, señor?" asked the fisherman.

"Why, that's the best part!" answered the businessman with a laugh. "When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions."

"Millions? Really? What would I do with it all?" asked the young fisherman in disbelief.

The businessman boasted,"Then you could happily retire with all the money you've made. You could move to a quaint coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, play with your grandchildren, watch ball games, and take siesta with your wife. You could stroll to the village in the evenings where you could play the guitar and sing with your friends all you want."

The moral of the story is: Know what really matters in life, and you may find that it is already much closer than you think.

Such an interesting perspective, it really makes me think of the things I place my importance in; what I value, and what I'm working towards. We all think of our tomorrows or the things we want to fill our days with in retirement, but is it really necessary to wait until then? It’s so easy to get stuck in the grime of day in and day out, working to pay the bills, moving to the next task, beginning a new activity, attending the next meeting all without thinking if these things matter to us. Without realizing if we are working in line with our values, beliefs, and dreams. We don’t have to wait until our tomorrows to live out these dreams; we instead need to find a way to make them a priority today. We need to find a way to make them attainable, It may take thinking through some difficult decisions and making life changes but change is always possible, just not always easy. We can become held up in our minds, convince ourselves what is and is not possible for whatever reason. Wouldn't it be nice if as adults we had the belief in ourselves and conviction in what we are capable of as we had as children. 

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

 “If you really want to do something, you will be able to find a way, if you don’t you’ll find an excuse”

“ All remember that the future comes one day at a time”

Are you living out the life you want? Are you at least working to line up your dreams? If the answer is no, what are you willing to change? Don’t waste time wishing your dreams would fall on your lap; we each have to make them happen. "It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped."

Until Next Time ~ Be Well